Why Regulating Your Emotions is Important—Even as an Adult

Have you ever said something in the heat of the moment that you didn’t mean? Or felt completely overwhelmed by emotions, without knowing how to calm down?

If so, you’re not alone.

Many adults struggle with knee-jerk reactions and emotional overwhelm, often without even realizing it. Managing intense emotions is a core component of mental and relational well-being, yet, many adults don’t realize how vital this skill is until life feels out of control.

Whether it’s managing stress at work, responding to conflict in relationships, or navigating personal setbacks, our ability to understand and regulate our emotions influences nearly every aspect of our daily functioning.

Learning to understand and manage your emotions can be one of the most transformative things you can do for your mental health, your relationships, and your overall well-being.

What Is Emotional Regulation?

Emotional regulation is the ability to notice what you are feeling, understand why you are feeling it, and respond in a healthy, thoughtful way. It’s not about ignoring your emotions or pretending everything is okay—it’s about learning how to respond with intention rather than react impulsively.

Think of it as an internal pause button. That break gives you the space to make choices that align with who you want to be, even when life feels stressful, frustrating, or even painful.

What If You Were Never Taught This?

Many adults were never taught how to regulate their emotions as children. Maybe certain feelings were dismissed, punished, or ignored in your home. You might have even been told to “stop crying,” or “calm down,” or “be strong,” without being shown how to actually do that!

When we grow up without proper modeling for healthy emotional expression, we often carry that confusion into adulthood. We might:

● Struggle to express our needs

● Shut down or explode during conflict

● Feel overwhelmed by stress or sadness

● Seek comfort through avoidance or unhealthy coping skills

It’s important to remember this is not a personal failure; it’s simply a skill gap. And the good news is that it’s never too late to learn!

Why is Emotional Regulation so Important?

It’s easy to understand why children need to learn how to manage their feelings, but what about us grown-ups? Here are some of the myriad ways emotional regulation can help adults:

1. Healthier Relationships. Emotional regulation helps you communicate clearly, set appropriate boundaries with confidence, and navigate conflict without causing harm. It allows you to express your needs without guilt or blame—and to hear others without becoming defensive.
2. Lower Stress and Anxiety. When you’re equipped with the proper tools to calm your body and mind, you’re less likely to get stuck in spirals of worry or panic. You can cope with daily stressors in a way that feels grounding instead of overwhelming.
3. Greater Self-Awareness. Learning to identify your triggers and emotional patterns can help you make sense of your reactions. This insight is powerful; it allows you to shift old habits and grow in new directions.
4. Better Decision Making. When you’re able to manage your emotions, you’re less likely to make impulsive choices or regretful decisions. You can take a breath, reflect, and act with clarity and intention in the here and now.

Practical Ways to Build Emotional Regulation

Pause and Breathe. When emotions are high, start with your breath. Slow, deep breathing signals safety to your nervous system and helps you ground yourself.

Name What You Are Feeling. Emotions can lose some of their power when we name them. 

Sometimes emotions feel similar to others, and it can be hard to identify which one is which.

Other times, we might just add a label to what we call it in the best way we know how. For example, when asked how you’re feeling, you might automatically say “angry.” But anger is a primary emotion, meaning there are secondary—often less easily accessible—feelings underneath. Perhaps you’re actually feeling embarrassed, frustrated, or ashamed.

Give Yourself Compassion. Emotions are human. There is nothing wrong with feeling big feelings. And sometimes they can feel scary, especially if we were never allowed or taught to just feel. Be gentle with yourself, and offer yourself some grace as you learn to sit with all of your emotions, rather than avoid them or numb them.

In the well-acclaimed book, Tuesdays with Morrie, Morrie Schwartz emphasizes to Mitch Albom the importance of experiencing emotions fully, instead of suppressing them. Albom states, “Morrie’s approach was exactly the opposite. Turn on the faucet. Wash yourself with the emotion. It won’t hurt you. It will only help.”

Use Healthy Outlets. Emotions don’t just go away; they need a place to go. Journaling, movement, art, music, or talking with a trusted person can help you process what you’re experiencing in a healthy and productive way.

Reach Out For Support

Learning to regulate your emotions is not about becoming perfect or never feeling upset again. It’s about giving you the tools needed to handle life’s ups and downs with more confidence, peace, and self-control.

If no one ever taught you how to manage your feelings, remember—you are not broken, you are human. And now, you have the power to give yourself what you may not have received before— tools, understanding, and healing.

You deserve that peace, and you’re not alone in the journey. Therapy is a great place to explore all of your emotions and build regulation skills in a safe, supportive, nonjudgmental environment.

Reach out to us here, email us at info@deepwatermichigan.com, or call 734.203.0183 x 700 to learn more or schedule an appointment.

--By Nikole Roberts, Counseling Intern